ne day, a small opening appeared in a cocoon. A man sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to get its body through that small hole. Then it looked like she had stopped making any progress. It felt like she had gone as far as she could, and couldn’t go any further. The man then decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and cut the rest of the cocoon. The butterfly then came out easily. But her body was shriveled, she was small and her wings were crumpled. The man continued to watch her, because he expected that, at any moment, her wings would open and stretch to be able to support the body that would assert itself in time.
Nothing happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a shriveled body and shriveled wings. She was never able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and willingness to help, did not understand was that the tight cocoon and the effort required for the butterfly to pass through the small opening was the way in which Allah SWT caused the fluid in the butterfly’s body to go into the her wings, so that she would be ready to fly once she was free of the cocoon. Sometimes effort is just what we need in our lives. If Allah SWT Allowed us to pass through our lives without any effort, He would leave us cripple. We weren’t going to be as strong as we could have been. We could never fly. I asked for strength. and God gave me difficulties that make me strong. I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve. I asked for prosperity and God gave me brains and muscles to work with. I asked for courage and God gave me obstacles to overcome. I asked for love and God gave me people in trouble to help.I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities. I didn’t get anything I asked for but I got everything I needed.
Taking care of yourself is the first thing, otherwise no one will. It is evident that we like to relate to others, that they like and care for us and that they share part of their time with us. However, it would be beneficial to understand that the greatest need is to make efforts to take care of yourself, love yourself and know how to be happy with yourself. Nobody is indispensable for us to be happy, nor for us to feel full, although we often believe that we are not. What others give us, in fact, is something voluntary that is more enriching if it is not expected: those who want to be, will be there and will take care of us without us having to ask. I understand that maturity is not forcing oneself to live with difficulties, problems and with toxic people, but rather to make efforts move away and focus on one’s own happiness.
I am gradually learning that the same effort is required to react negatively or positively to life situations, but that the last choice does not detract from the path of living a life enlightened and true to my true self. I am learning that not everything will come easily and not everyone will treat me exactly as I desire, that trying to overcome and overcome everyone around me only makes me a lonely person full of emptiness. It is difficult, but gradually I am learning that the attitude of not reacting to what hurts me does not mean that I am resigned to my current situation, but that I choose to position myself above it, because I know that life is made of phases. So I choose to learn from my gift and become a better person. For this, I am moving away from negative and toxic people, trying to solve problems , removing obstacles which make me feel inadequate. Slowly, I understand that when we react harshly to what hurts us, we are passing the power over our emotions to the other person because it will see in our eyes that we are insecure with ourselves. Here is a truth that many forget: we can never control another’s attitudes, but the way we react to those behaviors is always under our control.
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All the disappointments and sorrows of life have the function of teaching us that self-esteem must come first, for it is he who defends us from all who try to overthrow and shake our confidence. Mostly, I am gradually learning that responding will not change the other person, will not make you reflect on your actions and will not suddenly change your attitudes toward me. Reaction, in fact, may have the opposite effect, further fueling the spirit of provocation, for the other will find that I am easily affected. For this reason, it is much better to just let life go on, focusing on what happens within you and enabling yourself daily to an enlightened life, for eventually we will reap the fruits of what we have planted, for good or for evil .That is why I am slowly learning and I advise you also to learn, to evolve yourself and to focus on your inner peace, because in this way you will understand that not caring to react to everything that happens to you can be the first step towards to a happier life. Existence does not admit representatives. We are unique and individual, so we have different emotions, experiences and ways of interpreting life. For this reason, what we are and what we feel can only be regulated by ourselves: if we want to be taken care of, for example, we must first learn to take care of ourselves. Because no one can know from you. Nobody can grow for you. Nobody can look for you. Nobody can do for you what you need to do for inward. In this sense, we have a great number of opportunities ahead that we can take advantage of and an immensity of decisions to be taken. Taking care of yourself means that we will be aware of what can happen to us at any time, and we will be sure that keeping the balance is up to us.
The importance of taking care of yourself through our efforts in order to take care of others. When we lose our balance and have to paddle against adversity, your effort is s the first step to overcoming any harm or to enjoying the joys we find to the fullest. What’s more, valuing and liking yourself is essential for others to do the same. Loved ones give us life, but we live life ourselves. When we take care of ourselves and love ourselves, it seems that, out of inertia, others like and care for us. The fact is, loved ones give us life, but in the end we’re alone: alone to do what we want with what’s in front of us. “We are born alone, we live alone and we die alone. Only through love and friendship can we think, for a moment, that we are not alone.” Love, friendship and family give us the warmth we sometimes lack and support us in any circumstance. However, if there is no heat inside, it will probably still be cold. It is helpful to understand that the time we are given is ours, just as the decision on how to use it is exclusive and individual. For everything I’ve said, I define the title of the article this way: if I don’t take care of myself, no one will do it for me. I have the obligation to cultivate my personal self and make it grow, to fulfill my dreams and overcome my defeats, to look for what makes me happy and make the decision to share it with whoever shows me that they want this privilege.
Get rid of your problems and difficulties. Do not keep in your life those things and people who harm you, mistreat you, annoys or saddens you, let go of the image of the good guy you eagerly want to paint for the world, respect your feelings, say goodbye to those who did not come to add, do not value your efforts, love or friendship and even try to be someone better to contribute in this exchange. It is necessary to rescue our self-love and clean up from time to time so that we can regain our strength and move forward, leaving aside the irrational remorse we feel when leaving something that hurts us and valuing the lesson it brought us .It is not a crime to move away from bad thing and bad people and be aware that you are not responsible for the evolution of everyone who passes by your path, nor is it necessary to straighten every cock that is born crooked. We are not obliged to accept everything, we must also do good to ourselves, respect is essential, and in this case it is respect for our limits and desires. Choosing, when possible, who we want to keep in our lives is our right and a duty towards our happiness.
Let’s dedicate ourselves more to those who are open to accepting what we have to offer and who also give us, not perfection, but their best, and take out of our lives all those who only come to bring discord, annoyances, negative criticism, mistreatment and unbalance us without the slightest scruple. Let’s go together. Decide to change our lives by making the best decisions, with truth and love – looking inward. And remember: If God allowed us to live our lives effortlessly, he would cripple us. Sometimes effort is just what we need in our lives. Do not settle or settle for destructive or unpleasant relationships,, learn to say no and be more selective, I can say with certainty: it is not easy, but it is liberating.
Sajad Ul Hassan is a regular columnist of Good Morning Kashmir. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org