By: Mehak Rafiq Shah
nside you, me and everyone of us lives an angelic familiar soul, which in every aspect resembles us. She’s inside me- her eyes, nose and lips are the same as mine. It’s not the wean we all desire, but the inner child I mean to heal .It’s us, our subpersonality, a reflection of the child we once were. It’s right there in our subconscious that governs our personality. Not everyone connects with their inner child. It often happens when people are dealing with some serious issue in their lives and it’s when we connect and listen to it. Healthy inner child seems fun but the anxious inner child will stifle their boundaries and fear connections, the avoidant inner child will stay busy and reject relationships. These people are the injured ones and face challenges as adults. Different events trigger them and bring back the memories. Our inner child also has needs just like any other normal child does and we need to meet their needs. Many attribute the beginnings of the inner child to Carl Jung, a Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist who included a child archetype in his list of archetypes that represent individuation. After this transactional analysis, a psychological movement was the next to use the concept of inner child where we have three ego states viz parent, adult and child. After this many others used this concept.
An author says “Your inner child sleeps; yearns for it’s serenity. Dreaming of lost days; seeking simplicity, freedom; escape from reality.” We need to reach out to our inner child to heal it fully. We can take care of our inner child by thinking and writing about our childhood trauma. We need to re-experience the past and go back into the time that’s not really an easy job and the mess we carry from our past is very difficult to shake. Sometimes we may even need a therapist.
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There are different signs that prove that we have a wounded inner child. These can be feeling detached or irritated because our adult self wants to be safe and not get hurt; our overvaluing independence that makes us never ask for any help; our perfectionism; feeling powerless in our life as if are the passenger and not the driver; we would rather struggle in silence than advocate for our needs and wants; we gather achievements in hopes of being loved; there will be repeating patterns in our relationships i.e adult self recreates the childhood trauma in relationships unconsciously. Now, the question is how to know the unfulfilled needs of our inner child for the purpose of re-parenting him/her. It’s the same as knowing the needs of a normal child i.e rather than speaking to a child, we understand their needs through body language. Becoming conscious of our inner child ,using triggers as a guide, and beginning to cultivate a wise inner parent. We need to heal our relationships with our family. If our parents treated us badly, maybe it’s because we have undergone some tragedies. Their environment didn’t teach them how to express love. When we stop blaming and start accepting that they were unlucky, our anger will vanish and the suffering will end. After getting in touch with our inner child, we will find that our wounded inner child represents our elders like mother or father. So, when we are healing, we heal all the past generations who didn’t know how to heal their wounded inner child and end up transmitting it.
Doing inner child work is so important. It gives us the certificate of inner child that gives every right to live a serene life and be a happy child because it’s never too late to be happy and transform.We need to talk to our inner child and tell him/her that you no longer have to hide yourself, are worthy of love,are willing and ready to heal , forget the wound and forgive those who hurted us. We must release the feelings of isolation, hurt, guilt and shame.Past does not define us and has no power over us.Let us liberate ourselves from any form of control. Let us focus on the inner drum, where the rhythm aligns with that of our heart. The measure of responsibility, equals the need for evolution. Just listen to the inner child, let it whisper in your ear.
Author is Pursuing IMBA at University of Kashmir. She can be mailed at email@example.com