he basis of life is not love, but respect, because there is only love where there is respect. Nobody loves without respect. To love without respect is not to love. It’s disrespect. It’s abuse. It’s interesting. It is anything but what you want. I increasingly believe that nothing significant happens in everyone’s life, without respect, especially for oneself. To allow disrespect is not to love yourself. It is making our life what others allow it to be. There is no freedom where there is no respect. Nobody loves without being free. If there is no freedom, love is an attempt to look like love in the midst of all obstacles to its free expression. Loving without being free is a utopia. Does not exist. It is an illusion that feeds us in the absence of true love.
We have to be clear about what we really owe and can take for ourselves .We spend a lot of time doing the right thing for the wrong people, suffering the consequences of the lousy choices along the way, struggling for useless things and people without content, nourishing vain hopes for what has no chance of coming to pass. We spend a lot of time investing in the void, expecting a return of what does not return, waiting for smiles of those who do not even look at us. It is necessary to focus on what is real, for even if there is not much truth in these lands, this will be enough. We need to stop trying to please the ungrateful, the unhappy, and the inability to get something out of it. There are individuals who are too close to the reception of what is not within them, that is not part of that world in which they are close, attached to beliefs and feelings that do not change, are not rethought, do not leave the place.
Trying to reach them is useless. It is necessary to avoid bondage to the lazy, to the profiteers, to those who do not leave the place by themselves, to whom he escapes any kind of responsibility, since he knows that someone will always do for him. We have to be clear about what we really owe and can take for ourselves, or we will accumulate loads of baggage that are not at all related to our lives. A lot of people need help, yes, but many need shame on their faces. We can not nourish dubious friendships with people who do not express the least need of us, as if both our presence and our absence are the same thing, something unimportant, invisible, expendable. Not everyone we love will like us, the return of esteem and affection is never a certainty, therefore, it is necessary that we enter only the true encounters. It is not easy or easy to get right about what we can water with the certainty of return and reciprocity, since people, events, life, everything is unpredictable. Although much of what will happen in our lives can not be controlled, keeping our truths under control and the certainty that we deserve to be happy will make us stronger in the fall, without giving up on our dreams. The the greatest of all is to give respect and to respect yourselves.
We live surrounded by so many lies, by falsehoods and games of interests, that when we are sincere, we frighten our neighbor, unaccustomed to good old honesty. I anticipate beforehand, maybe to be sincere in too much, is not the best option. Not everyone can handle a good conversation where the characters are stripped of their masks. In many cases, speaking the truth sounds grotesque. And that is not the intention. The policy of good Respectfulness is best accepted. After all, ironically, we prefer interlocutions with those who agree with what we say. To be annoyed, without victimization, is for the strong. And the world, at times, makes me believe, which is mostly inhabited by those who cherish it. Dealing with the truth, even when it first gives, pushes us to solve a problem and to follow our path. It is we who choose whether the truths that are spoken to us and respect is given to us , whether they hurt or not. If we want to walk groping in the dark, or simply turn on the light and see what is right before our eyes.
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Hiding realities for fear of how we will be understood or for fear of hurting those who listen to them, is to be content with halves, with lies. And not even the most pious ones are justifiable. We do not have in our hands the power to decide what will hurt, listening or speaking, which is reality. It is impossible to accept that in fact, that dictated with the heart, there is more evil than lies, falsehood, utopia and hypocrisy. What hurts me is trust betrayed, broken glass, the choice of what I can and can not handle with serenity. For fear of revealing or hurting those we love, we become true characters in a world of make-believe. We hide facts, trying to please, forgetting that life is not made of cotton candy and that for us to smell the matchless rose of a rose, on any spring morning, sometimes or other, we can prick ourselves on some thorns. True relationships can not and should not be solidified into pillars built with lies, modesty and fears. Shallowness does not appeal to me. On the contrary, it causes me revulsion. I prefer, infinitely, that respect and sincerity directed to me descend into my throat like a puddle of water and flour, than the verbal and purloined falsehood with the apple essence of love, dressed in a carnival costume. I believe with little lies, we lose great people. For me they lose their acting with falsehood.
As I read one of these days, out there, “the raw truth will always be more beautiful than any lie produced. If you are in a job you don’t like, where you do everything upset and just for the money at the end of the month, you are disrespecting yourself and causing your own suffering and frustration. Therefore, there is no love for you or for what you do. If you are in a relationship where there is no respect, or where you allow disrespect for the other person, the truth is that there is no love. Therefore, the lack of respect is evidence of the absence of love. If you are in a situation where you don’t feel respected, nothing significant happens unless you make yourself respected. Learning from disrespect is always the hardest and most difficult. Disrespect imprisons those who fall victim to it. If you can’t get out, such disrespect will condition your whole life, because you can’t be free to be yourself. Again, without respect there is no freedom or self-love. Without respect, there is victimization. Without respect, there is only survival. Without respect, there is too much lack. Without respect, there is lying, effort, control, attachment, fear of change, unhappiness, lack of joy and smiles, and there is ingratitude, because everything seems to be against us. For there to be love in your life and love for yourself, respect yourself, above anyone else, respect your life and be grateful, because only through gratitude will you be able to respect your life more than others. Respect is the basis of everything in life. Not the respect earned through fear. Just the respect made to reach love.
Only this and none more. Therefore, respect yourself and do not allow yourself to be disrespected. Become the most respected person for yourself … and you will be free forever. Respect ourselves and others is one of the chief attributes of wise men. They live without wanting to draw attention to themselves and spread their teachings without asking anything in return. The more they act in anonymity, the more recognition by their merits comes naturally, without the need to strive to obtain it. Lord give us the serenity to accept everything that can not and should not be changed. Give me strength to change everything that can and must be changed. But, above all, give me wisdom to distinguish one from the other.
Author is a regular Columnist with Good Morning Kashmir from Pattan. He can be mailed at firstname.lastname@example.org