By : Syed Tajamul Islam Andrabi
o not give explanations for everything you do, it’s a source of unnecessary stress. There is no need to justify the way you are to those who already judge you just by being different, unique. Who loves you, respects you. Therefore, avoid falling into the culture “what you will say” and protect your privacy, your essences.Something that characterizes today’s society is that there are standards for everything from physical appearance, what is considered “biologically” normal, such as getting married, having children, etc. Social and even family pressure often forces us to have to explain everything we do (or choose not to do).
Practice personal freedom and the art of assertiveness. Stop giving explanations about everything you do: who loves you does not need it and who does not respect you will understand what you want. Something important that we should start doing today is to reflect on the number of times we justify ourselves to others. If you justify yourself in excess is to fall into inconsistencies, suffering and unnecessary costs. You are your own judge and you have assertive rights to say, “No, I will not give you explanations because it does not concern you.”
Give explanations is a source of stress. In an interesting article published in “Pshycology Today”, we are told that people must learn to deal with all those who dare to question our “life decisions”.”How come you’re not married yet?”. “When are you going to calm down and find a good job?” “Why do not you have no other choice,?”
The most complex of these situations is that the judges who judge our decisions or “actions” are precisely those closest relatives, so the pressure and the sense of stress is greater.
Reasons why we have to give explanations. To better understand the most common sources of suffering, it is necessary to consider these dimensions that we can all identify. One common mistake we tend to fall into is that we are conditioned by the stressful need to plan our lives for the enjoyment of others (and especially of our families). Other aspect to consider is that there are those who have made their personal life a public forum, where every act, choice or thought should be said out loud to find acceptance. It is something we see many times in our social networks: A “like” is a positive reinforcement with which we feel good after the publication of a thought or photo.
The fear of “what people are going to say” is still present today. There are those who see the need to justify everything they do not to “break” the circle of control over how to act or when not to give explanations.
Apply the following rule in your life: do things instead of talking about them, because when things are done, they speak for themselves and do not need explanation.
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According to a study conducted at the University of Ohio (USA) and published in the journal Behavior modification, the simple fact of developing and implementing assertive strategies improves our health and quality of our social relationships.We all have assertive rights, that is, we can and should have our own opinions and beliefs, with the right to evaluate our feelings and behaviors, and accept them as valid regardless of the opinion of others.
Now , How to internalize and apply these pillars in our closest reality? Take note of these things:◾You have the right to give or not to give explanations: the true responsible for what we do, feel or choose is ourselves. If others love and respect us, they do not need our justifications.
◾ Establish limits diplomatically: when a family member, for example, insists that you give an explanation about something that does not concern him, put limits with courtesy and always use short sentences: “It’s my decision”, “because I like “Because I’m happy with my life. “Assume that sometimes explanations are useless: it is something we have to accept because there are those who understand what they want, and often the demand for an explanation is already a criticism or a way of humiliating. Learn to ignore the empty criticisms and do not stress yourself. Avoid unnecessary suffering. Before giving an explanation, think whether what you are going to say will help improve something, solve or prevent a particular aspect. If not, do not worry, smile and remain silent.
We will never felt the need of explaining or giving explanations if we people Before promising something, make sure of its delivering. Before you promise something, make sure you can deliver! this certainty, generates value to your character and even more for those who believe in you!The place where we must begin to build any relationship is within ourselves, our circle of influence, and our own character. When we become independent – proactive, centered on correct principles, guided by our values and we find ourselves able to organize and execute activities around our life priorities with integrity – we can choose that independence that is capable of forming productive and lasting relationships with other people.
For that, we need to develop 3 fundamental character traits: 1 – Integrity 2 – Maturity And 3 – Abundance mentality.
As we bless others, even when they curse us or judge us – we embody primordial greatness in our personality and character.As we move in that direction, we become whole, mature, and enjoy this abundant mentality that divides, adds, and shares everything. We started to keep our promises and our word translates the true sense of credibility.Promising and not fulfilling is a function of immature beings who, disintegrated from the creative source, live in the most absorbed scarcity.People will trust you as you promise only what you can deliver. This is the purest demonstration that you truly know yourself and know exactly how far your legs can reach, as well as how far your strength can support.Be fair to yourself and above all, be fair to others. This posture of grandeur will be noticed and valued by all those who also seek to be mature, upright and abundant in everything they do, say and feel.
Author is a regular columnist of Good Morning Kashmir